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jasmine_cherie
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Yesterday will be the end of you
and I. Yesterday will be the end of shoulders where we rest our head. Now we
grieve for tomorrow goes on without us. Now we breathe for no one else.
Everything is broken slowly sinking under waiting for tomorrow waiting for
the grave to tell me that she's lonely. Open up and hold me slowly feel my
body becoming one and only. Death is just an excuse to forget you. Now we
run from ourselves. Hope lies not in the mirror.I'D BURN ALIVE FOR YOU | |
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livejournal calendar |
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| new journal. |
[Friday
August 18th, 2006] |
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new journal.
it's friends only.
i'll remain using this one.
my new one is more 'private'.
i might not add you.
give it a shot anyways.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) carrcrashheart
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[Friday
August 18th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
chances of me getting hurt?
100%.
i can never win.
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| kuygujygu |
[Tuesday
August 15th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
things are complicated.
i kinda wanna move in with liz for the
school year and go to liverpool?
whateverrr.
i'm scared to even see what happens with this.
what's the point when he's in love with her?
hm, i need to be patient and give it time.
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| liar, liar, pants on fire. |
[Monday
August 14th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
hahahahaha.
guys are douche bags.
& the excuse each guy gives me
gets worse & worse.
his was the worst.
who knew a person could improve SO much in
a little over a week?! hmmm
cape cod was amazing.
i might post pictures.
maybe.
leave plans <3
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| Oh, Ben Shaw <3 |
[Thursday
August 10th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
carr crash heart: you're lucky you're not a girl, periods suck.
N0T0RIOUS BEN: hahaha
N0T0RIOUS BEN: oh god
N0T0RIOUS BEN: spare me please
carr crash heart: i can go into detail.
carr crash heart: its good to be informed.
carr crash heart: :-*
N0T0RIOUS BEN: wow
N0T0RIOUS BEN: no
N0T0RIOUS BEN: ew
N0T0RIOUS BEN: haha
carr crash heart: it's always good to know how to insert a tampon correctly
N0T0RIOUS BEN: wow
N0T0RIOUS BEN: stop
N0T0RIOUS BEN: please
carr crash heart: i wouldnt reccomend doing IT when shes on the rag
N0T0RIOUS BEN: JASMINE YOU STOP THIS NON-SENSE RIGHT NOW!
carr crash heart: hey, hey, i'm helping YOU out
carr crash heart: never leave your tampon in for MORE than 6-8 hours
carr crash heart: it could lead to TSS
carr crash heart: which is toxic shock syndrome
N0T0RIOUS BEN: STOP IT!
carr crash heart: TSS is a serious but uncommon bacterial infection
N0T0RIOUS BEN: STOP
carr crash heart: :-X
carr crash heart: just....trying to keep you safe <3
N0T0RIOUS BEN: or gross me out
carr crash heart: hey, would you rather be grossed out when your girlfriend gets TSS? or when you go to do IT and you get vagina blood all over?
carr crash heart: i didnt think so
carr crash heart: you'll thank me one day
carr crash heart: :-*
N0T0RIOUS BEN: stop now
carr crash heart: ok. ok
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| she's wrong for you, i swear. |
[Thursday
August 10th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
i'm fucking sick of guys bitching about wanting
a nice girl and when he gets the chance with one..
he goes back to his psycho ex girlfriend
or picks a fucking slut.
guys need to make up their minds and stop hurting me
and other nice girls in the process.
i'm stopping anything before it even starts.
i'm so over guys.
[this isn't about who some of you probably think]
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[Thursday
August 10th, 2006] |
the first day of the fair is in exactly 2 weeks.
:).
who wants to go with me?
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| it's too hard to focus through all this doubt. |
[Tuesday
August 8th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
i've got the worst stomach ache, ever.
:(. i've taken so much shit and it's not going away.
blahhhhh, i'm always sick, always.
it takes so much out of me.
i'm gonna end up in the hospital.
jfglfdjhgdflkgf.
i've pretty much given up on just about everything.
nothing is worth trying anymore.
not to me, anyways.
everything is just rather pointless in my eyes.
oh well.
so much is wrong with me,
and everything is going wrong.
i don't know where to start
so, i won't.
have a good day.
i know i won't.
<3
i'm trying to find truth
in words, in rhymes, in notes,
in all the words i wish i'd wrote
cause i feel like i've been losing you
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| :) |
[Monday
August 7th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indifferent |
] |
'No. Ya see, the thing is, when the moon and sun aline at a 43.2 degree angle, the cow mating season begins. After 23 cows have become impregnated, I gain superpowers for 41 minutes, and you just happened to challenge me at this time of my peak performance. If you would have waited another 12 minutes, you would have won. But I'll give this to you for not knowing. Next time, I'm taking the win though. Remember that.'
i love my friends.
very few..
most likely
if you're reading this,
i fucking hate you.
:)
but, there is a slight chance
i love you.
little things make me happy.
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| choke, you fucks. |
[Sunday
August 6th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
i'm so fucking sick of people.
not really people.
just guys.
don't fucking lie to me and make up excuses.
whatever i'm fucking done with that shit.
you're not as nice as everyone thinks.
don't fucking lead me on
and tug on my heartstrings.
it's getting old.
just because someone hurt you
doesn't give you the right to hurt me.
just because things didn't work out with her
doesn't mean you can instantly run back to me
because you know i care
don't use me as a rebound
until she comes around again or something
better comes along.
either you care or you don't.
fucking pick one.
so i can move on.
because this really hurts me and
i can't do it anymore.
don't tell me you love me one minute
and tell her the same thing two
seconds later.
don't tell me i make you happier than she does.
well, don't i deserve to be happy, too?
sometimes, i really honestly think
you're only using me because you like
the fact that someone is around.
someone that cares about you.
someones going to always be there
to pick you up when that stupid
litte cunt pushes you down.
well, guess what?
i'm done with you, too.
[three different topics about three different things i've been keeping to myself]
[& that have really been bothering me.]
i'm sick of keeping everything inside
to keep others happy when they don't fucking deserve it.
i hope all you stupid fucks get hurt and you
fucking learn what it feels like.
i hope you live in regret.
on a lighter note,
i spent the night at shannons last night.
i saw christine and i fucking love her.
she makes me smile. just looking at her.
she's so beautiful :). imma marry heerrr.
she cuddles with me and lays on me,
and i love it.
i saw jamie and i hadn't seen him in a wicked
long time. i've missed him.
i made him sleep with me.
we didn't lay down till like 8.
and we only got like 20 minutes of sleep?
i couldn't fall asleep.
and i kept moving.
so, i kept him up.
i sprawled all over him and wouldn't let him go.
haha, he hates me.
but anyways, :sigh:.
i saw ben shaw :):):).
that made me wicked happy.
that kid is wicked cute.
i held his shoulders while he peed.
i washed his hair.
i layed on his back.
he pranked my sister like 8 times.
that kid owns. i love him.
and duh, i saw shannon.
god, i wanna fuck her.
i made her mom and dad believe
i was her girlfriend and we
were getting married.
they were totally cool with it.
i asked shannon's mom to be my mom.
she said yes.
i love her mom, i love her dad, i love her.
her family seriously rules.
i can't get over it.
i don't see shannon enough.
:( it makes me sad because i love her
and i like to hit on her and touch her.
i saw jackie and well, everyone knows i love her.
her and tom are wicked cute.
<3
i was in a wicked good mood
but...a hurt/scared/nervous/sad
one at the same time.
don't ask.
uh, now i'm in a wicked bad mood.
i fucking hate people.
i give up.
they suck.
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| i am finished with you. |
[Friday
August 4th, 2006] |
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mood |
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sick |
] |
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music |
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30 seconds to mars - The kill |
] |
things are totally fucked.
im so sick.
and i have a really bad pain in my chest.
i'm tired but i can't sleep.
i'm really sick of people telling me
one thing and doing another.
i hate being led on.
it's really hot one minute
and super cold the next.
i've been really grumpy lately.
this entry is really random
and pointless.
i've got so much to say
about things but i can't bring
myself to say any of it.
i'm learning not to get my hopes up
for certain stuff.
i just get crushed in the end.
always.
i think people enjoy hurting me.
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[Friday
July 28th, 2006] |
im taking a break.
from everything.
don't call me.
or IM me.
or anything.
starting tomorrow i'm just going
to sleep for a few days.
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| how do the scars feel after the wounds heal? |
[Thursday
July 20th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
( It's kinda sad that... )
lately i've been either really down
or really up.
i guess it's kind of a good thing because
i used to always be down.
i don't know.
i'm not sure i like this medication.
i haven't taken it today or yesterday.
:-x. i left it at chyna's.
that's like the worst thing.
to take it, not take it and take it again.
i'm just so forgetful about it.
maybe thats why i'm up and down.
i'll get the medicine from chyna's tomorrow.
i can't keep forgetting to take it.
and i can't keep leaving it places.
or forgetting where i left it.
i really, really like joe. :/.
i guess he likes me too but i
kinda don't want anything to happen
because...i'm just...not good enough.
i know i never think i'm good enough
for any guy but usually those guys are
scum bags but...he's...he's such an amazing
person. i just don't want to waste his time
and honestly, that's all i'd be doing.
i just don't want him settling for someone
like me when he can do so much better.
:/.
i really need some confidence, blahhh.
one kiss could be the best thing ;
one lie could be the worst ;
& all these thoughts are never resting
& you're n o t something i deserve.
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| i'll forget that you forgot about me ; |
[Tuesday
July 18th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Say anything - woe |
] |
i have to pee really bad at the present moment.
and i have a serious case of the hiccups.
i'm too lazy to get up and pee and too lazy to
pull up my pants because i know when i get up
my pants will fall down. my pants are really
baggy and my white belt won't fit in the
belt loops and i'm too lazy to change my pants
or look for my black belt.
basically, i'm too lazy to do anything
other than sit here and ramble.
ooooh yeah. :].
the boy i met.
i really like him.
:-x.
he likes me, too.
i think, i hope.
he's so sweet and charming.
intelligent and intriguing.
he's so adorable.
i adore and admire him, honest.
we seem to know a lot of
the same people and
they say i should
"go for it" because i'm a
sweet girl and he deserves a sweet girl.
honestly, he deserves someone
a lot better than me.
bahh, i don't deserve such a
sweet and caring person. :/
joe and i were talking today and i guess
he was with jamie today and i was brought up
and someone said something that made it
seem like " i was still hung up on, jamie."
yes, i did like jamie.
no, i don't like him anymore.
i realized we just aren't for each other.
he and maxine are perfect together.
i'm happy for them.
jamie's like one of my best friends.
nothing more. nothing less.
he never hurt me. i think he thinks he has.
he didn't. the only way he could ever hurt me
is to stop being my friend and/or hate me.
i just don't want him to feel like he's
obligated to stick around and try and make
things better for me because he thinks he's
made anything worse. he hasn't. he's made
everything a lot better. he's always there
to listen and i'm really thankful i have him.
i really regret the way i treated maxine.
she's a wonderful, beautiful, sweet, and caring
person.
i haven't seen matt in a really long time.
i really miss that faggot. ;D.
kate, jessica, amy jayy and i really
need to have a get together soon :].
violeta, too.
i really haven't seen much of my friends lately.
i've been too wrapped up in myself.
i'm sorry, everyone.
i love you all. :].
eh, i think i've done enough rambling for one night
and if i continue i'll never stop and it's almost
4 am and i'm kinda tired. i guess i'll go to bed.
goooodnight. :]
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| now i'm holding my face in the basement ; |
[Monday
July 17th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The hush sound - wine red |
] |
I'm really tired but I figured I'd update a little.
I had a really good weekend.
Friday I wanted to go to the movies with Joe
but he couldn't go. :[.
It's ok, I'm sure we'll hang out soon. :].
I still went to the mall.
I saw Shannen, Shannon, Andrew, Jason, Chyna,
Amber, Victoria, Sydney, Nicole, ummm, and a whole
bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while.
I saw Jerry. I didn't say anything to him.
We aren't talking anymore.
I'm sick of the never ending cycle with that boy.
I was mainly with Shannen, Chyna, Jason [kinda],
Shannon and Andrew the entire day.
Everyone left around 9:30.
I met this boy, Dan.
Chyna had known him because he was on her
ex-boyfriends hockey team.
I talked to Dan for like..2 hours.
He's a really nice boy. :].
He's from Iowa.
He was so adorable.
I was really comfortable around him, too.
He said he was glad he met me because I'm
the first girl he's met from around
here with a personality. :]
Chyna and I left at like 11 something?
We were supposed to go mini-golfing Saturday with, Dan.
We couldn't.
I can't hang out with him for two weeks because
he has to go to some kind of camp. :/ Lame.
Uh, I spent the night at Chyna's Friday and Saturday.
Her mom and brother both said I had lost a lot of weight.
I said I feel like I've gained a lot.
It made me feel good that I look skinnier
to someone. :].
Her mom told me my face isn't as chubby as it was
and that I've gotton a lot thinner.
I liked that.
Saturday Chyna and I saw Noah on westcott and we went to Lloyds with
him because I missed Lloyd.
There were a bunch of people at Lloyd's.
I met this kid, Andy, he was really nice.
Arlen ended up coming over.
Blah. Blah.
I promised Lloyd I'd visit him more. :].
I never see him and I'd like to more because
I like being around him but I never just
want to...go to his house.
He always says I'm welcome but I don't know.
Chyna and I ended up leaving at like 9:30.
Arlen ended up coming over to Chyna's at like...
11:30.
We layed outside and watched the stars until
1 something.
Thursday is Chyna's birthday.
I hope everything goes as planned.
I want to give her a good birthday.
Saturday is Jackie's graduation parttyyy.
I hope I can go.
I hope I see her before Saturday.
I missss her!
Uh, I'm tired, it's only 1
but I think I'm off to bed.
Here's a few pictures.
I'm too lazy to upload most of them.
( so, fall for me )
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| I'll think twice before kissing ; |
[Wednesday
July 12th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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crappy |
] |
i've been so up and down lately.
i guess it's from the medicine.
i hope.
i'm in such a crappy mood right now.
i don't know why. i mean, i do.
there's a million and one reasons.
i go from being some sort of zombie with
no feelings whatsoever
to a walking bomb that can be set off
by the smallest thing.
i want some sort of stability with something.
bahh, i hope i get to see jackie thursday.
and shannen and amber friday. :]
i miss them. and my best friendddd<3.
i was supposed to hang out with jamie but um,
yeah, i doubt that's happening.
i'm over it.
i feel sick. so sick.
my hair is falling out in huge clumps when
i shower now.
my mom thinks it's from the medication and
all the new chemicals in my body.
my sister thinks it's from malnutrition and stress.
i don't know what it's from.
kjhfkhdf i need to shut up and stop bitching.
lsjdkjsahdkhjsadkjsahhjdljda.
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| make me feel like you cry ; |
[Tuesday
July 11th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
i guess you could say things got gradually better
throughout today. couldn't get much worse.
well, i know it could but it felt like it couldn't.
i'm so spent on crying.
i've honestly hit rock bottom and i know the
only place i can go is up but...i dont have the
strength anymore.
there was a storm today and it helped me get the
first amount of decent sleep in a while.
i got my period. lkfdljfdsf. it sucks.
whatever.
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[Monday
July 10th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mayday Parade - one mans drinking games |
] |
( its killing me; )
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